March 8, 2014
I'm always shooting photos because I find it to be one of those things that keeps me in the moment. I'm very comfortable being behind the lens, but completely critical in front of it. A few years ago, I took a photography class, where we were forced to take self portraits and display them for our classmates. I honestly must have taken 80 before I found one that I felt OK about submitting to our class. I hated my profile, felt like certain angles made me looked bug eyed, you name it, I found something to criticize.
I looked chubby, tired, more wrinkled - any little criticism had me constantly hitting the delete button.
So now, every once in awhile, I snap a self portrait, not to seek attention, but to force myself to be kinder. Accept that this is how I look, this is who I am at this moment in time. Today I snapped this photo with my iphone after visiting my mom. I'm smiling, but I can see the sadness in my eyes.
And that's ok. We have to learn to love every side of ourselves, and be our own best supporters.
I read this quote yesterday by Mindy Kaling, and it really hit home:
"My relationship with my mom is really the single most profound relationship that I’ve ever had in my life," Mindy tells me...But her voice breaks when she starts talking about how she sat down with a pen and paper and asked her mother to give her all the advice she could possibly give her before she died, and Kaling realized she’d never be able to ask her mother for advice again. “I said to her, ‘Mom, I’m going to be so lonely without you.’” She’s crying now but keeps going. “And she just said, ‘You have to be your own best friend. If you always remember that, you will always have someone there with you.’”
Today my aunt, cousin, daughter and I had a wonderful afternoon with my mom sharing laughs and delicious food (my favourite combination). While we were there, one of my mom's neighbours from our old neighbourhood called because she had heard of my mom's diagnosis and wanted to come to visit this week. Yesterday when I saw my mom, another new neighbour was over, offering to help out in any way she can (offering drives to the cancer clinic, etc) because she had gone through the gamut herself and wants to be there for my mom every step of the way. Since finding out exactly month ago about her cancer diagnosis, I've seen the very best in people. There really is something so amazing about these connections we create throughout our lives, because I'm seeing them show up time and time again to be by my mom's side, when she needs support the most. Her friends are showing up daily with food, picking up whatever she needs, a group of her friends even cleaned her home from top to bottom before she got home from the hospital. I really believe that because my mom is such a caring and thoughtful person, she has drawn like minded people to her throughout her life, and now they are showing up in droves.
As we grow older, hearing the worst of how humans treat each other day in day out on the news, I was definitely growing more cynical. But going through this experience with my family, I'm reminded every time I talk to my mom, and hear yet another story of someone doing something so special for her, that people are truly remarkable. It honestly is what gives me the most strength through this process, is knowing that she has this giant team of people, rallying with her, all sharing the same goal, to take care of all the little daily things, so that she can save her energy for the big fight. xoxo
March 7, 2014
Happy Friday friends! What's on your line up this weekend? We just had a delicious dinner with my folks and are getting into our cozy clothes to watch this flick. Have you seen it? I can't wait to see such an amazing cast together. I love how Tina Fey and Amy Poehler refer to the film as "the explosion at the wig factory."
Putting away my clothes tonight, I realized more than ever, that I have a lot of orange in my wardrobe. I took a look at this site and was fascinated to read that orange is a colour of healing - which makes a lot of sense right now. Also interesting was how it is described as those with a gentle, creative spirit who could use more self esteem. Hello spot on. What's your colour?
I'll touch base more on the weekend, but wanted to wish you a fun night and sweet dreams. xo
March 6, 2014
March 4, 2014
Today was one of those wonderful days from start to finish. I got up early, made muffins and parfaits, took my daughter to her gymnastics class, had three of my favourite women in the world over for brunch, had time to play with my daughter and a great visit with my parents.
It might sound like quite an ordinary day, but I am beginning to see all of these moments combined as being quite extraordinary. Time shared with our loves is everything.