March 1, 2015

gone to the birds.....

 this photo may have been staged......
 There's something about a bunch of duck bums that always cracks me up....

If you haven't been to Reifel Bird Sanctuary, I highly recommend it. It's a beautifully scenic spot to go for a walk. Just don't wear red, or you might experience this misadventure we once had there. xo

February 28, 2015

a little update.....

Hello friends! Many of you have been asking about my momma. Two weeks ago my mom was admitted into the hospital because she was experiencing several sleepless nights with tremendous pain brought on by her cancer. It's a very tricky balancing act for the doctors to figure out the precise dosage of medication to alleviate her pain and combine it with the correct amount of anti nausea medication. It was truly awful to see her in such pain. It was at the point where I thought, please, just let her go quickly, because watching her suffer was excrutiating. Unfortunately, in their attempts to get her pain managed, the doctors overmedicated her, and she was so dopey that she almost couldn't wake up. It terrified her...to the point where we had some amazing end of life conversations. The doctors immediately started to flush her out with an IV drip to get the excess medication out of her system. Once they got her pain under control with an appropriate dosage, she really turned a corner. She started eating up her delicious hospital cuisine..mmmm mystery stew! and the doctors started talking about the chances of her going home, which, admittedly, I didn't think was going to happen. I feel like I've learned more about life and love in this one year, than in my entire life. Honestly, you just keep showing up for those you love. You keep holding their hand. You kiss them each time you say goodbye and tell them how much you love them. One afternoon at the hospital, I even showered my mom, at her request. It was new territory for us. It absolutely broke my heart to see her thin, cancer riddled body. But this is my mom, and I love her to the moon, and I will do whatever she needs. She even made jokes how her boobs look like two golf balls in a pair of tube socks....I told her, "lady, you don't have to worry, my eyes are only looking at your face while you are in this shower." But in that moment, I honestly thought, our roles have really switched. She took such good care me of me growing up and now she needs us to care for her, and I will be there every step of the way.
I'm so happy to report that after two weeks, she's home, sweet home. She's a weaker, more bed ridden version of herself, but she is still feisty and doesn't hold back from her "constructive" comments - like how I should re-soul my shoes because I sound like a horse coming down the hallway. But I love it. I love that she has this spark in her that keeps her fighting. This afternoon my brother and I laid beside her in her bed, and my heart almost burst. As a momma, I know how much that moment would mean if I was in her position. We held hands and just were sharing space and love. This is the most intense time of life, but it is also the greatest capacity of love I have ever felt. I can't thank you all enough for your check ins, your emails, your texts, your gifts, your food, your love and support - I'm tremendously lucky to be surrounded by such quality people. xoxo

365 catch up....


Wednesday, Feb 25: Making homemade smoothies after work with my little love. 
 Thursday, Feb. 26: I finally found a magazine that celebrates one of my big passions - Mid Century modern furniture. I can't wait to set up a new home.
 Friday, Feb. 27 - Sound the horn, it's Friday!!! And you know what that means, beers and Netflix!! 
Note to self: Must ramp up our Friday nights. 
The most beautiful magnolia tree I have ever seen. I snapped this with my iphone, but each bloom was as big as my head, and my head is pretty big. 

February 24, 2015

365 catch up


Tuesday, Feb. 24: Chillin at the hospital
Monday, Feb. 23: Beautiful beach time with great friends.
Sunday, Feb. 22: Where I spend my mornings, cheering on my favourite patient.

Saturday, Feb. 21: A stunning night at the beach sans coats -it's hard to believe that this is Winter!

February 20, 2015

51/365

I'm not going to lie, these days are excruciating watching my momma battle cancer. But it's little moments like these, with my sunshine, that reignite my heart. xoxo

February 19, 2015

50/365

Here's a few things that I find are helping tremendously during this really challenging time of life: exercise - before hitting the hospital, I've been hitting the gym, to get some endorphins going, burn this stress and give me energy.......assemble your team of support: I've got my hubby and daughter for my daily hugs, kisses and smiles.....I've got friends who have survived this to walk me through things, friends and relatives who love my mom almost as much as I do to share mom stories with, friends who get me out to temporarily get my mind off of things....and my family, who constantly keep one another in the loop with mom updates. My heart goes out to those who go through these things on their own, I don't know how they do it. It takes this team of support to keep me going. There's definitely something I've learned in this process...often people will say, "let us know if there's anything we can do" which is so incredibly thoughtful - but I've learned in life you just should do things....because people rarely ask for help. My mom's friends are cleaning her home tomorrow in case mom gets to come home this weekend. People just drop off food for my dad because they know he needs to eat. I just show up at the hospital with snacks for my mom that I know she will eat. I can't even begin to list off all of the incredible things my friends have just done for us during this year - from making family dinners, dropping off gifts, visiting my mom, or bringing us treats - there's this lengthy list of "doers" that I am so fortunate to know. Do something randomly awesome for someone you know in need. xoxo

February 18, 2015

365 catch up....

Hello friends, I've been in the hospital for the last five days, holding hands with my beautiful momma while they try and get a handle on her pain. There's nothing worse than seeing someone you love so desperately, living in agony. All I can say is that I've never been more in awe of my brave mother, I've never been more in love with my family, and never been more appreciative of my wonderfully supportive friends. I'll write more at length another day, but just wanted to tell you to really try your hardest to just live in and appreciate the moments, even the hard ones, because all of these little moments add up quickly to be your life's entirety. xoxo

Wednesday, Feb. 18 - My brave warrior momma. 

Tuesday, Feb. 17 - Plaid pants, yellow socks, pink shoes. You have to love the vibrancy of being young. We played outside today in short sleeved shirts - can this really be Winter?

Monday, Feb. 16 - Fun with my love

Sunday, Feb. 15  - Reflections at the hospital